in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
