Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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