how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
