How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
