I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
