please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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