i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
