She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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