you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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