Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
