farters have to be the big spoon...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I cut my penus on the lid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
