this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
