i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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