he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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