I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
