last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
