she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
