yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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