Betty ford says i'm here all night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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