her vagine was all disorganized.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
