I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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