I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
