umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
