shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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