someone threw a dead crab at me
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
