i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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