I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my phone needs a breathalizer
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
