Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
