i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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