I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
