I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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