I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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