If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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