I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
