Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
