can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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