She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize