I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
