There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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