Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
