Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
