if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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