omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
