I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
