So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
