he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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