I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
