So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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