literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
