I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this boner is exhausting
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
