Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sext me about skeletons
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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