my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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