I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
