I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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