I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
