Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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