At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
