eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
