..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
