Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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