Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
