Rock
Scissors
Fuck
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
