How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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