you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
