And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
