I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Say something about gay babies.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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