i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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